This is my journey . . . as the mother of angels . . . and one sweet girl who will walk this Earth with me.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
I Will Praise You In This Storm
A lot of people have expressed to me their fears that I may become angry with God if I have not already done so. Several mommies have told me about how they turned their backs on God after their tiny babies went night-night. I'm not mad at God. God didn't want my babies to go to sleep. He knew that was going to hurt us very badly. He knew because He had to watch his son die, too.
Yes, God knew what was going to happen to my babies. He has always known, even before he knit them together in my womb. It is easy to wonder, "If He knew, why didn't he do anything about it?" I don't know, but like I told Gabriel, God has to make some babies angels. I just didn't know it was going to be my babies.
So, I will praise Him in this storm. How can I not praise Him for my children? Do I hurt more now than I did before I had either of them? NO. Not having them, not knowing if I ever would have them, was way worse. It was hopeless. Would I hurt less if I would have never gotten pregnant with Tater Tot in the first place? NO. Tater Tot spent the six months prior to his/her conception giving me a reason to live and his/her 11 weeks in my womb making my heart beat again.
Thank you, God, for sending Gabriel Nicolas to me, for he made me a mommy.
Thank you, God, for sending Tater Tot to me, for she healed my broken heart.
Thank you, God, for sending my next baby to me . . . healthy, for he will give rest to my outstretched arms.
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Bon, you are one of the strongest woman I know!
ReplyDeleteMy precious Bonnie girl, I love you so much. You are an amazing woman. Your writings touch me & everyone else, I'm sure, so profoundly. They bring me to tears but also let me see what a rare & wonderful person that you are. I hold you in my heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you, God, for sending Bonnie to us. Thank you, God, for sending Skyler to us. Thank you, God, for the miracle of Gabriel and Tator Tot.
ReplyDeleteNo, I did see this one. If you had mentioned the song, I would have remembered. I'm glad you're not mad at God. That would be silly! =)
ReplyDeleteBonnie, you are such a great inspiration. Your strength and faith are far beyond anything I have ever been able to reach. I love reading your blog, and I pray that you and Skylar are truly blessed by sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cary. That is so sweet. I do love sharing our story and keeping my children alive through it. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. It means so much to me.
ReplyDeleteA friend told me about your blog and I can't tell you how amazed I am at finding a person who is in almost the exact same position my best friend will hopefully be in in the spring! She has been through so much (she is currently desperately holding onto baby number 6) and sadly, her faith in God has suffered greatly. I am sad to say it affected my faith also! I look forward to reading through your blog and will be passing it on to my friend, so she can hopefully gain something from your trials and your continuing faith! You are such an inspiration!
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