Damsel in Distress

Yesterday, Phat Skinny’s BBQ catered a wedding, or more accurately, Mrs. Skinny catered a wedding. Phat Skinny had to work, so I had to do everything by myself. I was stressin’.

I prepped the pork at 5:30 AM before work on Thursday (three days ago) thinking that Skyler would put it on the smoker since it was his day off. Of course, I never told him I wanted him to do that, nor did he ever say he would. You’d think I’d just met the guy or something, considering that this scenario sounds nothing like anything he’d ever do, and he has never been one to complete honey-do lists.

The pork did get smoked and pulled on Friday by Skyler’s brother while we were both at work. I chose not to mess with any of the food preparations on Friday night because I wanted to have the night off to relax. Plus, we lack the refrigerator space necessary to store large quantities of prepped food. Thus, I was up early Saturday morning making the final preparations.

On Saturday, I lit the smoker (okay, I made Skyler’s brother get up to do it), prepped and smoked the barbeque beans and reheated the pulled pork on the smoker. I sliced onions and got the pickles and bread ready to go. I also had to clean out the car in order to make this delivery because Skyler put wood in the trunk the weekend of the Fall Fun Fest, and it was a mess.

While the food was on the smoker, I went to town to run a few errands (the bank, the car wash, etc.). On my way back home, I was surprised to look at the clock and see that it was already 1:00 PM! The food was still on the smoker, the pork was not yet sauced, and I was expected to have it in Newburgh, IN, a 30 minute drive, by 2:30 PM. I knew I wasn’t going to make it, especially since Skyler insisted that I stop and pick up chafing dishes and sternos to keep the food warm.

I backed the car up to the smoker, popped the trunk, and brought the scale outside to weigh out the correct amount of beans and pork that we had promised. I added the final ingredients to the smoked beans, weighed and wrapped them, and placed them in the trunk. I then got out the barbeque sauce, stirred it into the meat, weighed and wrapped it, and set it into the trunk, as well. After loading the car with the bread, pickles, onions, potato salad, and macaroni salad, I just had one more thing to do before I was off – find out how to get there!

I finally took off at 1:45 PM (yeah, I said it takes 30 minutes to get there AND I had to make a stop, too). I called Skyler at work, in tears, telling him that I wasn’t going to make it in time if I had to go pick up the extra equipment. He called Gordon Food Services and asked them to have my order ready for pick-up. (I wanted him to say, “Just don’t worry about getting it,” but I knew he wouldn’t.)

The MOG (mother-of-the-groom) asked me to have the food there at 2:30 PM. I pulled up at about 2:33 PM. There were about 30 guests already there, but thankfully the wedding party was not! Breathlessly, and with the help of a few guests who took pity on me, I set up 40 pounds of pulled pork, 27 pounds of beans, a gallon of pickles, a large tray of sliced red onions, 15 pounds of potato salad, 10 pounds of macaroni salad (the potato salad and macaroni salad were a donation from us because it was leftover from the Fall Fun Fest), 80 buns, and six loaves of rye bread.

It was a huge relief when it was done. I heard everyone loved it, and I walked away tired and with the [well-deserved] cash. ;)

Below, you’ll find something that I thought I’d never let anyone see: my secret bean recipe. Now, if you live in the Tri-state, I don’t expect you to actually use this. Just call us or shoot me an e-mail, and we’ll cater your event for you so you can have your beans made by Mrs. Skinny herself!

MRS. SKINNY’S UNBEATABLE BBQ BEANS
2 cans (6 lb institutional size) Show Boat Pork N Beans (well drained)
2 cups of sweet BBQ sauce
4 cups brown sugar
5 TBSP + 1 tsp yellow mustard
½ cup pancake syrup
1 cup finely minced onion
3 tsp salt
1 ½ tsp black pepper

***Smoke on a wood smoker (not too close to the fire) with no lid/cover in a doubled foil pan (two together) or in a shallow cast iron pan for 2 ½ hours at 325 degrees. Then stir together and add to the smoked beans:
¾ cup sweet BBQ sauce
½ cup pancake syrup
3 cups brown sugar
2 cups pulled pork/pork fat


*** Pic #1 - the beans getting prepped
*** Pic #2 - the beans with all the yummy ingredients added, ready for the smoker
*** Pics #3 and #4 - the beans, smoked and ready to be devoured - Oh, yeah!