Sunday, February 27, 2011

7 Weeks 4 Days: Faith?! Where Are You?

Everyday, my mind takes me to the only scenario I know. I find myself imagining when it's going to happen. Planning how I will react. How I will overcome this one. How I won't overcome it. I check everytime I go to the bathroom. I'm 7 1/2 weeks pregnant, and I'm still checking.

I pray to God everyday that He will protect my baby from the antibodies. I've injected vials and vials of Heparin. Now, for some reason, I'm not bruising anymore. Why? Isn't the medicine working?

I just don't feel pregnant. I know from past experiences that I'm not going to feel pregnant right now, anyway. That doesn't comfort me. I want this to be different. 

I'm constantly fabricating symptoms: dry throat, dry eyes (seriously?), peeing all the time (that's nothing new), I threw up once (after shoving my toothbrush down my throat), the car smells like a barn (it's filthy, so it probably does), falling asleep early (I get up at 5:30 AM!)

I feel ashamed to let you know that my faith is lacking. God hears my mind and sees my thoughts, so I might as well not keep it a secret from you, either.

I have an 8 week ultrasound Tuesday, March 1st at 8:15AM. It can't get here soon enough. I will be nervous to go. I will be nervous for the image of our miracle baby to appear on the screen. There's no reason for it, though. Even Gabriel and Tater Tot, with everything they had going against them, had beautiful, perfect 8 week scans.

Our little Curly Fry Sweet Potato Baby J Sugar Baby Miracle Whip (we can't decide on a nickname, so we just use them all) will, too.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

"Gabriel's Blankets" Ministry to Newborns

This will melt your heart . . .

About a month ago, I received an email from a woman in my church (Henderson First Assembly of God). She told me that a ministry to newborns was laid on her heart about a year ago and that she had just gotten our pastor's approval to start it up. She also told me that the idea to name the ministry after Gabriel has been on her heart since his birth. She wanted my permission to use his name. Thus, "Gabriel's Blankets" was born.

Wow! We are so honored and appreciative to have our baby remembered in such a special way. Gabriel's purpose was to inspire us to pray and believe in miracles. Is there anything more miraculous than a newborn baby?

Once a month (the last Tuesday of the month), a group of women will meet at the church to crochet or knit baby blankets. We will then pray over the blankets and for the sweet babies who will be bundled in them. Then, we will donate the blankets to the newborns at Henderson's Methodist Hospital. These babies and their families will hear Gabriel's name and be blessed. Isn't that special?

When I found out that Gabriel had wings (and once I was past the initial shock), I had an overwhelming desire to make people know my baby. I wanted people to know him and remember him. I had a since of urgency within me to let everyone know that he was a real, true person who would be missing from our lives. I couldn't stand the idea that someone that mattered so much to me could possibly slip away unnoticed.

During my pregnancy, I spoke so many times in my belief that my little baby was a mighty warrior for God. Now look at him. He has a ministry! I think you will agree--he has always ministered to us.

Last night was the first meeting:

Mommy trying her hand at crochet. She worked really hard on this all weekend! She doesn't know how to do it, but she wants to make me proud.

Charlene is knitting. She's the wonderful woman who started "Gabriel's Blankets." I'm so glad she's in tune with the Holy Spirit.

                                             Michelle looks like an expert.

                                They are having way too much fun!

                                Sandy is teaching Susan how to knit.

Besides prayer, we need yarn. You can help by sending monetary donations or gift cards for Wal-Mart, JoAnn Fabrics, Michaels, or Hobby Lobby to:

First Assembly of God
c/o Gabriel's Blankets
2208 Hwy 60 East
Henderson, KY 42420

or if you love to knit or crochet, make a blanket and send it to us. We'll pray and give it to a baby who really needs it.

Monday, February 21, 2011

6 Weeks 5 Days: Miracle Whip

Skyler and I have been going back and forth trying to come up with a nickname for our little baby. We've been playing around with a few, testing them out to see if they feel natural.

Today at school, I gave my fourth grade students a survey to find out which name they preferred. I gave them the choices (food related in the spirit of big sister Tater Tot), and they voted (not the way I wanted). Then, my co-teacher says, "I think the baby's name should be Miracle (lovey-dovey look in her eyes)."

I saw a light bulb pop up over a little girl's head as she brightens up and says, "Miracle Whip!"

I am cracking up!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

5 Weeks 6 Days: One Perfect Baby!!!

Who could ask for anything more? This baby (yes, just one baby . . . WHEW!) just couldn't look any more perfect. As soon as its little image came up on the screen, we could immediately see that tiny heart just a flutterin'. The baby measured exactly 6 weeks (that's what we'll be tomorrow). That is such a relief. The baby is right on target, so I know the antibodies haven't gotten to it. The medicine is working. All those bruises and needle pokes are so worth it. We are head-over-heals in love already.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, God, so so very much for your love and graciousness. Getting pregnant three times in a row is really something. I am in complete awe of your faithfulness and generosity. I considered not blogging about this baby-making because, well, what if it didn't work? Now, look what we have! Thank you, for I know this is the one. This is it--the baby we will bring home and love and cherish for a lifetime. May you be praised and honored and glorified for giving us this rare and precious gift.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

5 Weeks: Taking My Thoughts Captive

2 Corinthians 2: 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

What does that even mean? I am definitely a thoughts-on-the-loose kind of girl. I always have been. This is especially true when I'm mad at someone, my feelings are hurt, or I'm worried. Guess which category I fall into right now.

I read an online sermon about this scripture which says, "if a thought pops up in our head we must be conditioned enough to realize we had the thought and analyze the thought in a nanosecond.  Is this thought beneficial to God’s purpose or my own?  Is it destructive or selfish, does it encourage and build up, or does it degrade and tear down?  We must decide what thought we have, take it captive if it’s not of good intentions, or free the good thought of encouragement to build up God’s Kingdom. "

For my circumstance, I guess I need to ask myself (about a million times a day), "Is this thought beneficial to God's purpose or self-destructive?"

What are my thoughts? I really don't want to admit them. I'm ashamed to have them. I don't want to spell them out for fear they might materialize. Fear????? I really hate to admit that I have that. You people think I'm so strong, but fear means I'm so weak, doesn't it?

Let's just put it like this: This is my third pregnancy. With the first two pregnancies, I didn't have one inkling of fear or doubt, until . . .

Not even with the second pregnancy, after all I'd been through with the first, did I ever think for one moment that it wouldn't work out. This time, I'm taking all these shots. I have an alarm set every twelve hours to do battle with the forces inside my body that are fighting against me to keep my baby alive. It's scary, and it's a lot of pressure.

Everything just has to work out. I just have to have this baby(ies). But, my mind doesn't know what that looks like. It hasn't seen it before. I need to take captive the only thoughts I know and replace them with sweet dreams.


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Second Blood Test

I had my second hCG blood test this morning. In a normal pregnancy, the hCG should double approximately every 48 hours. At 4:15PM on Wednesday, it was 163. This morning at 10:20AM is was 632. That's really, really strong. We're making a baby in there!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

4 Weeks 3 Days: God Still Resurrects Dreams

 God loves me so much! I’m pregnant! We’re having a baby! Or two!!!

I’m sorry I left you hanging for a week with no news, but I wanted to be able to surprise my husband if there was going to be news to surprise him with. 

Sunday, day 26, I missed my period. I felt pretty good about it but still went to the bathroom about every 30 minutes to check.

Monday, day 27, I still didn’t get my period. Then, I felt really good about everything. Still, there was a chance I could get it, but I doubted it.

Tuesday, day 28, I still didn’t get my period. Then, I knew.

Wednesday, day 29, was the date of the blood test. I said I knew, but when my name was called to pick up the results, I got butterflies. I saw the number. It said my hCG was 163 (less than 5 is negative for pregnancy). I started crying and shaking. 163 is too low, I thought. I was afraid it meant I couldn’t keep this miracle. As I walked out of the hospital, a number rings in on my phone that I don’t recognize. I ignore it. It calls again. I ignore it. It calls again. I answer it. It’s my nurse. (What doctor’s office calls three times in a row until you pick up the phone?) She just wanted to see if I got my blood drawn. I told her the number. She said 163 was great! We only needed it to be above 50 at that point. My progesterone is really good, too. Whew! I know God told her to call me so I could be reassured. He doesn’t want me to walk in fear during this pregnancy. He’s trying to help me, but it’s mostly up to me. 

I intended to wait until Friday to tell my husband since it was his birthday. Of course, I couldn’t wait. I blindfolded him and drove him to Garvin Park in Evansville, IN (where we got engaged and where I told him about my pregnancy with the other two). When we got there, I removed the blindfold, handed him the report and said, “Happy birthday, Daddy.” 

“Really?” he asked with tears in his eyes. I made him so happy.

I thought he would know where I was taking him and why as soon as I blindfolded him, but he didn’t. “I just thought the blindfold was something sexual,” he said, meaning it. Ha! He had his dates all wrong. He had no idea it was time to find out the big news. 

Thank you to everyone so, so much for your prayers. I truly believe we received this amazing blessing because we all prayed and believed. Please, please keep the prayers coming. I really want to keep this baby and bring him/her/them home. It’s not over, yet.