During the difficult months following Gabriel's birth, there has been one thing that has kept me putting one foot in front of the other, besides my promise to him that I would – my hope for another pregnancy. When Gabe died, I had made peace with that in the weeks prior to his birth. I did not, however, have closure on the loss of the pregnancy. It was simply ripped away from me without any warning.
Despite my unbearable longing to have a full womb after it lay empty and aching for months, it wasn't easy to make the decision to seek another pregnancy. It wasn't easy, that is, until the day came when I was allowed to try again. Then, we just couldn't get there fast enough! I really didn't feel scared that anything would go wrong again, and I knew in my heart that I would conceive.
With my desire to become pregnant with one child (though my doctor liked to tease me that he knew I wanted twins), the doctor prescribed the exact same protocol that led to my pregnancy with Gabriel – an HSG to flush out my tubes and 125 IU daily of Follistim, which helped me produce two follicles during that cycle. I was completely shocked when the nurse scanned my ovaries this time and found that I produced three follicles! There was actually a chance, though very slight, that I could conceive triplets. There was a decent chance that I would conceive twins. There was little doubt that I would become pregnant with at least one baby.
The day of the procedure, the nurse gave me a lab slip for a blood pregnancy test dated July 20, 2010. I knew then that I would become pregnant. July 20, 2009 was the date on my lab slip for the blood pregnancy test that proved I was pregnant with Gabriel. By July 20, my period was already two days late. The test came back positive for pregnancy. Skyler and I celebrated by going to Garvin Park in Evansville where we celebrated Gabriel's conception one year ago. We were overflowing with hope and joy, something that was not coming easily to me in those days. We were also very anxious, for we knew what I was potentially carrying – or how much I was carrying I should say! It could be twins or triplets! What are we gonna do?
Skyler and I intended to keep this news a secret, at least until we had the opportunity to tell our families. We went to church that night, though, and we couldn't help ourselves. Our mouths practically burst open with the news of our miracle baby! We couldn’t help it. How do you hold in news that fabulous? Stuff like this just doesn’t come along often enough in life. Everyone was beyond excited to hear about this precious gift from God.
I was beyond excited. Ever since I said good-bye to Gabriel, I thought I might never make it to this point. It has been an uphill battle. I promised my son I wouldn't give up. So, when I grew tired and could no longer make the climb, I got down on my knees and crawled.
August 4, 2010 was our first ultrasound at six weeks gestation. I was worried sick that we were going to see more than one sac. I was really, really worried that we would see more than two sacs. The potential for three was lessening the blow for the possibility of twins. The probe was inserted, the screen came on, and we saw one beautiful amniotic sac and one very tiny fluttering heartbeat!
After our big lead up telling everybody that we had the potential of a triplet pregnancy, I suppose it was a bit of a let down for everyone to hear we were only having one baby – not for me, though. I knew we could handle one baby. I knew we could spoil one baby. I knew I would be able to nurse one baby and satisfy that intense craving that left me going crazy after Gabriel's birth. I also knew that, with one baby, I would never have to put him/her down. I was never going to let this baby go. I would be holding that child as much as I wanted. I would be kissing my baby as much as I wanted. I would be gazing at my baby with starry-eyed love as much as I wanted. Oh my gosh! I can't wait!
At eight weeks gestation, we had another ultrasound. We couldn't believe our eyes when we saw our tiny baby on the screen. Its heart was beating perfectly, and he/she was dancing! Gabriel wasn't able to dance at eight weeks, but we didn't know any better. This little tater tot was waving and kicking its arms and legs. It was unbelievable. Even the nurses were impressed. One of them said that all of this embryonic movement was an indication that the baby's neurological system was developing normally. Is there anything more wonderful than a perfectly formed neurological system? Not to me.
The future is looking brighter. I'm smiling and genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. Everyone says I'm glowing. The story of this child's miraculous conception gives listeners goosebumps every time. I cannot wait to grow with this baby and get to know him/her. I can't wait to feel the baby moving inside of me and to fall in love all over again. God is bringing everything back to me full circle. The pregnancy test was on the one year anniversary of Gaby's pregnancy test. The baby's due date is only one week after Gabriel's (March 30, 2011). My pregnancy time-line is the same. This last March, Skyler gave me a promise ring with an aquamarine – the March birthstone. It was a symbol that we would one day have what we thought we were going to have, and here I am carrying a child whose birthstone will be aquamarine. God loves me so much. This baby is a keeper.
***Pictured above is 6 week ultrasound and 8 week ultrasound***
No comments:
Post a Comment