Day 26

Checking

Waiting

Hoping

Praying

Believing

Stay Tuned . . .

Day 22: Black and Blue

So far, I have administerd nine Heparin injections in my belly (subcutaneously, or in the fat). After giving myself the Follistim injections in the belly so many times (that's the med that made me produce follicles), I thought this Heparin thing wasn't going to be a big deal. I was wrong.

The  needle, while very tiny, doesn't slide through the skin effortlessly like the Follistim needle did. So, at first, I was pushing it through the skin, and the skin was giving a little resistance. Then, I figured out this isn't a problem if I just stab myself. That, of course, is a little scary and causes me to have to work up a tiny bit of courage every time. Plus, a couple of times I have gotten overzealous and stabbed myself so hard that the needle bounced back out, and I ended up having to stick myself again!

My belly is bruised--black and blue. From nine injections, I have nine bruises on my belly and nine little red blood spots that look like polka dots. It's a little tender, but nothing I can't handle. Maybe one of these days you'll be lucky enough to get a picture of these bruises. I'm going to have to think long and hard about letting you see me that naked. I do, afterall, want you to keep reading!

Now, I'm only telling you about the downside of these Heparin injections for the sake of this blog and of keeping my beloved readers in the know. I am in no way complaining about them. I will do anything to bring this baby(ies) home. And, after everything, I barely even register these little pokes and bruises as pain.

Day 18: The First of 470 Shots

This pile of syringes is only for the first two weeks! Crazy, huh?

It's Heparin, which is a blood thinner. I have to take 0.25ml twice a day along with a low dose aspirin. My miscarriage on September 10 with Tater Tot was due to Antiphospholipid Syndrome. Basically, it's paternal antibodies. My body has it out for all men, and it took it out on my tiny Tater Tot.

Antiphospholipid antibodies can cause the blood vessels to constrict and blood to clot, resulting in fetal demise. The purpose of the Heparin, though it is a blood thinner, is not to thin the blood. The dose is so small that it doesn't thin the blood that much. The Heparin attaches to the antibodies and then flushes them from my system. It does not cross the placenta, so there is no danger to the baby.

I started the Heparin today because it needs to be in my system before the embryo(s) attach. Makes sense, right? If we wait until it(they) attach, the antibodies would get the first shot.

You know, at first I was angry about what happened to Tater Tot with this whole antibody thing. I can't say that I'm not still angry or that I don't feel wronged in some way. To be fair, I never let myself get angry over what happened to Gabriel, so I felt entitled to a little angriness. When I look at all those syringes, though, and the Heparin vials and know that I am empowered every single day with something that is going to put this new baby(ies) in my arms, I feel very blessed. How many women have gone before me with multiple miscarriages before their doctor figured out the antibody syndrome? How many women have gone before me, losing all their babies, before medical science had even discovered this Heparin treatment?

Day 15: Baby, Baby, Baby

When you know that speculum is coming at you, it can be a little scary. I've never actually seen a speculum, believe it or not. I'm so afraid of them that I worry seeing one will only intensify my fears. Things have widened up down there over the last year after having two babies; so, this time wasn't a big deal at all.

The nurse who performed the IUI (intrauterine insemination), said that she could tell I ovulated because I had lots of cervical mucus (Who doesn't love a compliment about their cervical mucus?). She also said she thought the procedure went just perfectly. She got into my cervix easily, and nothing leaked back out.

So, that was it. I lay on the table for 30 minutes with my hips elevated and then came home and lay in bed most of the day. Lying in bed all day is not a requirement. Technically, I could have gone back to work, but why would I do that?

Now, we wait and pray and believe. For the first time ever, I got the nurse to tell me the date of the blood test in secret so Skyler wouldn't know. I have never been able to surprise him before. With Gabriel, he just pretended he was surprised because I told him to. With Tater Tot, I couldn't handle the stress, so I had to tell him about the waiting. This time, I"m going to surprise him and have that wonderful, delicious moment . . . and all the other moments after that, too.

Day 14: Baby Love

It's the "big night" before the BIG DAY. We make our babies just like everyone else does.

Day 13: Follicle Scan and hCG

This morning was the much awaited follicle scan. It was preceded, of course, with plenty of anxiety and a sleepless night. I have been so nervous about the whole process this time. Yes, I'm nervous every time, but this time I'm going overboard. Most of my fear has been that I made a huge mistake buying the meds from the pharmacy in Israel just to save a few hundred bucks. I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't sure it was the same stuff with just a different name. Still, I think, Why would I do anything differently when I have this much at stake? Leading up to the scan, I've been simultaneously afraid I would only have one or no follicles and afraid I would have too many.

^{John 14:27} Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

 

Those big black spots are my two follicles (a fluid filled sac on the ovary with a mature egg inside). They are both on my right ovary. My left ovary did not produce anything. I've only had a follicle on my left ovary

once out of four cycles (Tater Tot's cycle). My right ovary has produced two follicles every time.

Two follicles is a desirable outcome. The nurse said, "Two follicles are good; three follicles are great; four follicles . . . we start to get a little nervous." I got pregnant with Gaby Baby after having two follicles, and let's not forget that I did just have an HSG. So, there will be nothing keeping those little spermies from getting to one of those eggs. The nurse also said I have a "lucious lining." That's a big part of it, too. You aren't pregnant until that embryo grabs onto that lining. They always tell me I have a fabulous lining. Apparently that's something I'm actually good at.

Tonight at 8:00PM I'll give myself an hCG injection (This one goes in the butt.) to make me ovulate (get those follies to burst off the ovaries) in 36 hours. That will have me ready to go Wednesday morning!

Thank you guys so much for praying. Letting you all "see me naked" in this blog is adding to the stress of all this. I'm doing it for Gaby and because I want you all to be praising God when He gives us this long awaited miracle and because I think having hundreds of people praying for us can't possibly hurt. Still, it's hard on me. I just don't want to let anyone down.

Please pray that God makes me a healthy baby, and please pray for peace in my heart so that I can enjoy this amazing opportunity. From this moment on, I am making the choice to relax and hold my arms out in expectation of a miracle.

Day 11: Whew!

After last night, I know I didn't really mess up the medicine like I feared when I wrote this post. I have three vials of Follistim. Each night I am supposed to inject 125IU. So, that's 250IU out of each vial. Last night was my fourth time. I compared the two used vials, and the plunger is in the same place in each vial. So, I know I've done everything correctly. I just let my nerves (and fear) get the better of me. I didn't need those couple of hours of sleep, anyway.

I feel a lot better now, and we are excited to go Monday morning and see how it all worked out!