16 Weeks 1 Day: It's a Girl!!!!!

I can't believe it. I absolutely just can't believe it. I really thought I was having a boy. I told everyone I was having a boy. Everyone told me I was having a girl! So much for mother's intuition!

Why did I think I was having a boy? Partly, I'm sure, because I've always, always wanted a girl. So, having a girl seemed out of reach. Even a little girl at school told me, "If you want a girl, it means you'll have a boy." (I think 4th grade is a little young to have already learned the lesson that you can't get what you want in this life.) The other reason is because I had a dream about having a boy, and I believe the Lord speaks to me about my pregnancies through dreams. I'll tell you more about those dreams some other day in some other blog post, probably after Princess Miracle Whip has already safely arrived, and I can confirm some things.

The strange thing about the dream about this baby boy that I had in the beginning of this pregnancy was that I called him Brayden. He was my child, but I called him Brayden. Brayden is the name of my friend's son and not a name I'm considering. I shrugged that little detail off, though, perhaps for the hope of having Gabriel's little brother in my arms.

About two weeks ago, I dreamed about someone else, and it surprised me. I dreamed I had a girl--a beautiful girl--and she was mine. I told the Lord that I would love to have her, but I continued to say and believe that I was having a boy, probably because of one disturbing detail of this dream--she was a preemie baby, born too early. I called 911, but no one would come for us. After that, I told myself that if it turned out to be a girl, I would know what I had to do.

Then, I get a shock. My BFF, who is five weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy, calls to tell me she is having a boy. I told her (and everyone else) that I was having the boy, and she was having the girl. When I heard her news, I immediately said, "Do you know what this means? I could be having a girl!" She knew I was going to say that. And I think she knew what I was going to say when I called her yesterday.

Jelly on my belly, our seventh ultrasound begins. Immediately, the sonographer shows us the baby's bottom. I ask her just to go straight for the heart rate first, though. I want to hear that way more than I want to see what is between those legs. 154 beats per minute. Then, we take a look at my very favorite thing--that beautiful brain. It never ceases to amaze me. Now, let's check out the goods.

Legs are closed together. A little prodding, a big stretch, and they open up. The sonographer digs the wand into my bruised belly to get the difficult shot. It takes a while, and I think she's not going to see it. From my point of view, I keep thinking, I don't see a turtle. It just makes me think she hasn't gotten all the way in there.

A little more digging, and she looks at me and says, "How about a little girl?"

I shoot straight up on the table, "Are you serious!?" I honestly don't think she seems sure, and I've heard those words from her before.

"Yes, I think so," is her unsure answer.

"This isn't going to be like when you told me Gabriel was a girl, right? She's not going to turn into a boy in two weeks?" I am having a really hard time believing this news.

"Uh, no. She's not going to turn into a boy. Gabriel's situation was different." I tell her I understand that.
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I look over at Daddy to see tears in his eyes. We embrace. We cry. I can tell--he can't believe it, either.

After a little more looking around at the baby, the sonographer gets another look in between those legs, and this time I can tell she has no doubts. We are looking at our beautiful, miracle girl. Gabriel's little sister. A chance to see what having Tater Tot would have been like, except I'm not thinking about Tater Tot. I'm thinking about our new daughter. She is someone else. This may seem obvious to you, but it's taken me a long time to go from coming home from the hospital without my baby to recognizing that all of my babies are individuals, not pieces of the one who came before.

I leave my appointment with my heart beating out of my chest and my face flushed and burning up. Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the hazelnut latte I had on the way to the hospital to wake the baby up. But as I'm standing in the middle of Babies R Us picking out her first pair of pink pajamas, I burst into tears. My heart is bursting with the realization that this amazing blessing is mine. That this moment has actually made its way into the time line of my life. That my life will never be the same.