Tater Tot's Funeral

All the other mommies were crying.  They’re not used to this like I am, I thought.  I imagined what each of their stories might be.  One woman looked to be a few years younger than me.  She cried the whole time while her husband embraced her and comforted her.  I watched her.  I bet this was her first baby.  Maybe she was already into her second trimester.  She thought everything was perfect, and then she found out her baby was an angel and he flew away. 

Of course, you know if you read this post that I didn’t cry.  I am a self-proclaimed non-crier at funerals.  Once during the service, I felt my eye start to water just a little, and I was afraid to wipe it with my finger because my husband may give me a sympathetic look and think I need to be comforted.  I’m not making this up.  This is how my mind really works. 

This was a common burial provided free by The Women’s Hospital to families of babies born before 20 weeks.  Families are required by law to bury infants born after 20 weeks.  Before 20 weeks, you have a choice:  hospital incinerator or the common burial provided by the hospital.  Well, when you put it like that . . .

The casket was full of tiny boxes with tiny miscarried babies inside.  Some of the babies were as young as six weeks gestation, no bigger than a whisper, or as old as 20 weeks gestation and six or seven inches long.  Only the memory of Tater Tot filled the tiny box with our names on it – her memory and my letters to her. 

Later, Skyler and I attended the 8^th Annual Walk to Remember at The Women's Hospital in Newburgh, IN.  October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.  We walked to remember Gabriel Nicolas and Tater Tot – our little angels.