A Letter to My Son - One Year Ago, 10-05-2009

You can read the grown-up version of this story here .
Below is how I told it to my child one year ago today:

October 5, 2009

Dear Gabriel,

Even though Mommy knew we were fine, Daddy insisted on heading to the doctor’s office for an ultrasound. I know he just wanted to find out if you are a boy or a girl. Plus, we love to see you kicking and dancing inside Mommy’s tummy.

Because of your position, the technician had a hard time determining your gender. After a long time, she told us she thinks you might be a girl. Mommy and Daddy were very excited for about 20 seconds. Then, the technician quickly went to speak with the doctor about something she saw on you.

We were so scared and confused. I don’t ever want anything to happen to you. The doctor told us she thinks you might have angel wings. Mommy didn’t know what to do or think or feel. If you have angel wings, it means you won’t be able to stay with us. You’ll have to go do God’s important work. I know God has to make some babies angels, but I wasn’t expecting you to be one of them.

We had to go visit another doctor who knows more about angel babies. She took a closer look at you. She’s pretty sure she saw angel wings on you, too. She needs us to come back next week to take the angel test.

Mommy and Daddy feel so sad tonight. I never imagined you would be an angel baby. We thought you would stay with us so we could hug and kiss you every day. We thought we would spoil you with lots of cute baby things and lots of toys. We thought we would watch you grow up, but now it looks like you are going to fly away before we can do any of that.

Love,
Mommy

***Pic #1 was taken at my regular OB's office on 10/5/09. At 16 weeks, he only weighs a few ounces. Adorable, though, isn't he? You can see that he is kicking, playing, and having fun. Do you see the black, crescent shaped area on his head? That's fluid. If you get a chance, look at a healthy baby's ultrasound picture. It's head should look gray. One of these day's, I'll post one of those on here for you to see. ;)

***Pic #2 is a 3D picture taken at the high risk OB's office on 10/5/09. Incredible, isn't it? He is about 10 cm long and fully formed. He looks just perfect.