7 Weeks 6 Days: Whoosh Whoosh Whoosh Whoosh Whoosh

Goes the sound of the perfect, rapidly beating heart. 166 beats per minute.

Did I believe with unwavering faith that this is what I would hear? No. I held my breath until the image appeared on the screen. What did I see first? A big, black spot. My heart skipped a beat. It looked like an empty sac! Then, I heard the nurse say something about a swollen ovary as she moved the wand, and I saw this:

I immediately burst into tears, for I knew I was looking at my baby, and I knew my baby was alive. It had grown! To anyone, this is obviously what is to be expected. But for me, the last time I had two ultrasounds in a row, the second one showed a baby who had not grown. I was relieved today to see that all my good eating has paid off! This kid is huge!

What you see in the picture is the baby with his/her head down. The black spot on the head is the beginning formations of the brain (A brain! That is no small feat!). The circle to the right is the yolk sac. It is feeding the baby until the placenta is ready to take over.

I wish I could say that I felt completely relieved when I walked out of the doctor's office (I feel like I must sound like a spoiled brat to say that.). My husband was on Cloud Nine after hearing that beautiful heart beat. I, on the other hand, sat in the car, buried my head in my hands, and burst into tears.

"I don't want my baby to go away!" I cried to my husband.

"Our baby is not going to go away," he reassured me. "You are doing a great job, Baby Mama. Our baby is perfect. We are going to have this baby."

I believe that. Really. I do. I'm just not a "pregnancy virgin" anymore. I miss Gabriel and Tater Tot so much, and I wish they didn't have to fly away. They are the reason, though, that this new miracle is here. And I want this baby more than anything.

"Please, God. Please. Please don't let this baby fly away."