7 Weeks 4 Days: Faith?! Where Are You?

Everyday, my mind takes me to the only scenario I know. I find myself imagining when it's going to happen. Planning how I will react. How I will overcome this one. How I won't overcome it. I check everytime I go to the bathroom. I'm 7 1/2 weeks pregnant, and I'm still checking.

I pray to God everyday that He will protect my baby from the antibodies. I've injected vials and vials of Heparin. Now, for some reason, I'm not bruising anymore. Why? Isn't the medicine working?

I just don't feel pregnant. I know from past experiences that I'm not going to feel pregnant right now, anyway. That doesn't comfort me. I want this to be different. 

I'm constantly fabricating symptoms: dry throat, dry eyes (seriously?), peeing all the time (that's nothing new), I threw up once (after shoving my toothbrush down my throat), the car smells like a barn (it's filthy, so it probably does), falling asleep early (I get up at 5:30 AM!)

I feel ashamed to let you know that my faith is lacking. God hears my mind and sees my thoughts, so I might as well not keep it a secret from you, either.

I have an 8 week ultrasound Tuesday, March 1st at 8:15AM. It can't get here soon enough. I will be nervous to go. I will be nervous for the image of our miracle baby to appear on the screen. There's no reason for it, though. Even Gabriel and Tater Tot, with everything they had going against them, had beautiful, perfect 8 week scans.

Our little Curly Fry Sweet Potato Baby J Sugar Baby Miracle Whip (we can't decide on a nickname, so we just use them all) will, too.