17 Weeks 4 Days: My First HAPPY Mother's Day

No, today isn't my first Mother's Day. I was a mother last year at this time--just a mother with no child. I didn't handle myself all that gracefully I'm sorry to say, but I did all I could. Last Mother's Day was less than four months after Gabriel's birth. We got up, got ready for church, and I sat in the car waiting on my husband to leave. Then, something unexpected happened: I began to cry. I was afraid of walking into church and having people bombard me with cheerful happy Mother's Day wishes. When my husband got in the car and saw me crying, he was a little baffled.

"What is the matter?" he asked gently, though I'm sure he knew. He was used to me going from smiling to crying with virtually no warning.

"I don't want anyone to tell me Happy Mother's Day!" I sobbed.

"I don't understand," he said. "I thought you wanted everyone to remember Gabriel and that you are his mommy."

"I do. And I'm fine! Let's just go."

But we didn't. We didn't make it to church that day. I couldn't bear it. We sat at the Ohio Riverfront instead. We prayed. We dreamed about what the next Mother's Day would be like. We dreamed about the newborn baby that we just knew would be in our arms.

Of course, it didn't turn out that way. I can't complain, though. God is so good to me.

Today, after going to church and not shedding a tear because I was too busy smiling and showing off our new ultrasound pictures, we went back to that same bench overlooking the Ohio River. We dreamed about our baby again, but this time she really is on her way to us. God's promises are real.

Psalm 113:9 (NIV) "He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord."

Posing for my photographer

Just kidding! My belly's not really that big yet.

Me and my baby girl