8 Weeks 6 Days: Laying It Down, Picking It Right Back Up

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Tomorrow (Wednesday) at 3:00 P.M. I have another ultrasound. This one is at my regular OB's office. The last time I was there for an ultrasound . . . well, you know what happened. My mind can't stop imagining it, can't stop replaying it in my mind, except with the new baby this time. I stop myself. Yell at the devil. Tell him to get the hell away from me and my baby! Then, I have to get on my knees and ask God to forgive me for doubting Him, to help me with my unbelief, to protect my baby.

Sunday, the pastor called for anyone who was worried about their children to come to the altar and lay it down, give those worries to the Lord. I went down, prayed, and asked God to help me quit worrying and trust Him. I came home, and later that afternoon, I suddenly realized I forgot to take my aspirin that morning (I take one 81mg aspirin daily as part of my treatment for antibody syndrome). I took it, then got to thinking that I didn't take it at all on Saturday. Oh my gosh! How could I just forget? I never forget.

Monday morning I was reading my Bible before work, and the thought came to my mind that I did take my aspirin on Saturday. I remembered taking it with a tiny sip of water because I was going to weigh myself when I got up and didn't want to weigh the water. I still didn't let myself relax, just wouldn't let myself believe this little tidbit. I've been upset, tired, and stressed out ever since.

This nine week ultrasound tomorrow is a big deal. We found out Tater Tot was night-night at 11 weeks, but she only measured 8 weeks. She probably wasn't alive at 9 weeks, but we never knew. Tomorrow, when our baby is alive with a beating heart and a bigger body and kicking and moving, it will be yet another of my great miracles.

Thank you, God, for my healthy, full-term, 46 chromosome, living, breathing, vaginally birthed baby. In Jesus name.