Glue

I tell her a million times a day that she is beautiful. I think you'll agree; the Lord really out did Himself on this girl. He wanted her to be worth the wait. She was totally worth every bit of it.

Cassidy Nicole, 4 Weeks

We like to have little talks when I'm rocking her and she wills those gorgeous eyes to stay open and look at Mommy.

I like this story, Mom.

I tell her how Mommy and Daddy prayed and prayed and prayed and hoped and hoped and hoped for the longest time to have a little child to love. I tell her how, one day, we got a little child. And we loved him. But he had important stuff to do, so he had to fly away to Heaven. Then I tell her how Mommy and Daddy prayed and prayed and prayed and hope and hoped and hoped some more. Then, we were blessed with another little child--a selfless one who had another big job to do. So, she flew away, too. Then, I tell her how our hearts were so sad, and we cried sad tears. But, we didn't give up and we prayed and prayed and prayed and hoped and hoped and hope even more. And God said, "Yes. Yes, you can have a perfect, healthy, beautiful child." That's when He gave us our very own Cassidy Nicole. She glued our broken hearts back together. Now, Mommy and Daddy aren't sad anymore. We are so very happy.

We still cry, though. Happy tears.

33 Weeks 5 Days: So, Here's How It Is For Me Now

• Five weeks and two days left before Little Sister makes her long awaited arrival.
• I have to pee at least every hour while I'm at work, sometime every 30 minutes.
• I get up to pee at least once every night, sometimes twice.
• Sometimes I can go back to sleep after getting up to pee. Sometimes I lay there for a few hours, and, of course, manage to fall asleep right before the alarm clock goes off.
• We go through a ton of toilet paper at our house because I can't stop peeing.
• Sometimes I can't stop peeing even when I'm not in the bathroom.
• Heartburn (aka liquid hot magma) is an everyday part of my life now. I chew anywhere from four to 10 Tums a day. Unlike my heartburn with Gabriel, this heartburn took longer to show up, but seems to be unrelated to what I eat, just that I have eaten or drank. I instantly feel the burn if I make the unwise decision to bend over to, I don't know, tie my shoes or pick something up off the floor.
• Getting up off the floor is a challenge, but I can still manage it.
• Rolling over in bed . . . it's not easy.
• Managing to get out of bed in the morning . . . it's not pretty.
• I have round ligament pain quite often, mostly in my lower left side.
• I can't walk without waddling. I've tried. I really just can't.
• My belly is bruised, bumpy, and soar from the 400 or so injections I've given myself.
• My health is excellent. My blood pressure is consistently 120/70, and I never got gestational diabetes.
• I have varicose veins on my left leg in one spot just under my knee. They started developing when I was pregnant with Gabriel. It's the same spot where I had a hard knot that sent me to the hospital right after his birth. This pregnancy is making them much more noticeable.
• Baby Girl's heart rate was 156 bpm at our last exam.
• My weight . . . well, I'm not proud of it, but I haven't gained an unheard of amount or anything. Still, I've quit letting them weigh me at the doctor's office. It has nothing to do with my health or the baby's.
• I feel her kicking and wiggling all the time. I can feel a hard spot on my left side where her cute little butt is stuck up in the air. She loves to shake it!
• Nesting . . . I'm trying, but it isn't instinctive for me. I'm doing a little at a time, but let's face it; It's not like our pets are going to quit shedding just because I clean the house for the baby.
• The nursery is painted, but that's as far as it's gotten. Stay tuned for updates on that next week.
• I find that I can't walk without resting my hand on my belly. I remember the few weeks after Gabriel's birth when I would catch myself walking around like that. I'd have to remind myself that there was no one there to hold onto. It is so good to have someone to cherish again.
• She doesn't like spaghetti sauce near as much as she used to. It's the liquid hot magma. Most of the time we are happy just eating a bowl of cereal for supper.

***Author's note: I'm so sorry it has been almost three weeks since my last blog post! That is the longest I've ever been. I've just been very busy with work, extra things I always seem to be doing, painting the nursery, nesting, and, oh yeah, just being too tired to mess with it. Plus, she's just so perfect that there isn't much to tell . . . other than she is amazing and we love her so much. 

31 Weeks 1 Day: Being a Good Girl

She has her head down! Her head is down and facing my right, facing the placenta actually. Her feet are up on my right side, and her little butt is over on my left. That's what I keep seeing stick up in a hard ball sometimes. I guess she likes to shake her booty!

Her weight is 3 lbs 13 oz. which is 46th percentile, completely average. The sonographer said she expects her to be about 6 lbs when I go back in four weeks, but of course she can't be sure. The baby's main job from now on is to pack on the weight. I guess it's my job to help her do that any way I can. Ha!

Baby Girl kept doing the most adorable thing all through the ultrasound. She was opening her mouth really wide and taking big gulps of amniotic fluid. Then, she would lick her lips and stick her tongue out like she thought is was so good. We could see her practicing her sucking with her sweet little lips. It looks like she is going to be a good eater!

The doctor checked my cervix  yesterday even though she felt it was unnecessary. Maybe it was, but I am now six days past when I had Gabriel, and I know how fast that thing can open up. Too fast. She said it was completely closed, and she could feel the baby's head resting on it.

I really hoped to get a good picture of the baby's face. However, she is hiding her face in the placenta and would only show us half of it. It looks like she has chubby cheeks, and I'm wondering if she has a dimple in her chin. Can you see dimples on ultrasounds? I don't know. Also, we still couldn't get any clear profile or face shots because her face is right underneath of a big knot I have on my belly caused by the heparin shots. The bruising interferes with the image. I guess we'll just have to wait until the birth to see her just like the pioneer women had to do. :) 



My cute baby foot

My pretty profile

My face cuddled up to the placenta

I have chubby cheeks. Mom wonders if I have a dimple in my chin.

It looks like the placenta is in my eye! I'm just all cuddled up with it.

I have a perfect spine. You know it makes my mom so proud.

30 Weeks 2 Days: This Was the Day

Today Baby Girl is 30 weeks 2 day which is the gestational age that I went into labor and had Gabriel. It really is unfathomable to me to even think about having her right now. I don't feel ready at all. I don't feel like I'm about to explode or like I just can't take it anymore. I feel completely fine. I'm just getting bigger and that makes things harder and more tiring.

That's not to say that I was "ready" when I had Gabriel. Physically, it was a struggle to continue with the pregnancy day to day, not because of all the problems we had, but because I just had a lot of pregnancy symptoms that were hard to deal with. Emotionally and mentally, I was definitely not ready to lose the pregnancy.

One week before, after noticing a significant decrease in fetal movement and response, I called my sister and told her it was time to make his outfit--no more waiting to see if he grew more. I called my friend and told her to get his song ready. I called the pastor and discussed my wishes for his big "going away party."

Two days before, I had an ultrasound that showed a kicking, playing, happy little boy. I told the doctor that he was barely moving in the two weeks prior, but after the ultrasound, she couldn't tell me that it meant anything was wrong. I knew though.

One day before, I woke up to a very tiny bit of brown on the toilet paper. This did not alarm me because I bled for two months straight. At that point, however, I hadn't bled for about a month. Still, I knew it was possible for some blood to show up, so I didn't go into a panic or anything. That afternoon around 4:45PM, I noticed a quarter-sized dollop of a clear, snotty blob on the toilet paper. My heart sank. It was my first pregnancy, but I was pretty sure what it was. A call to my sis gave confirmation to my thoughts--the mucous plug. She told me not to worry, though. That I could still have several weeks left after losing the mucous plug. So, I didn't go to the hospital. I did, however, shave my legs and cut my toenails and fingernails. (That's what you do, right?) I felt somber that night knowing that losing the mucous plug put our time together on a countdown; I just didn't know how little sand was left in our hourglass.

The morning of, I woke up refreshed after a good night's sleep for the first time in a long time. I figured that meant everything was okay, so I proceeded to get ready for work. I planned to call the doc and go in after school to get checked since we saw the blood and the mucous plug. While I was putting my make-up on, I began to feel pressure down low. I didn't think a lot of it because sometimes when you're pregnant, you just feel like that kid is gonna fall out even though you know it isn't. I felt a little more pressure, though, so I decided to take a half day at work and go to the doctor a little earlier. Then, as I grabbed my purse off the kitchen counter, I felt some pressure that knocked me off my feet. I decided to take the whole day off work, just going in to get my ducks in a row before heading to the doctor's office.

Three and a half hours later, we were at the doctor's office being told I was fully dilated and would be delivering within the hour.

Four hours later, I was still holding on, waiting for my sister to get there so she wouldn't miss the miracle we thought we wouldn't get.

2:34 PM He was born, and he cried, and I'll never forget it.

4:15 PM We gave him to Jesus.

Right now, at this moment, his little sister wiggles and wobbles and kicks and plays inside of me, right where he was, but oh so different than he was. From this point forward, I'll be in uncharted territory--a pregnancy stage I know nothing about. From this point forward, I'll look at the toilet paper every day watching for the spots and the clear snotty blob. From this point forward, I'll get ready . . . because she's coming, she's coming home.